Uderstanding
by LoveGurl5231
Summary: What would happen if Clare had a dark past such as cutting, drinking, and having a child. All she wants is to be understood. Will Elijah Goldsworthy be the one to do so?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Thinking

Clare's point of view:

I was sitting in my room looking at my ankle. I know what you're all thinking. Why is she doing that. I was staring at that because I have a tattoo there. On my ankle there was a a name written in big fancy letters.

His name was Jonah. When I was thirteen I got pregnant. Yes me. At thirteen can you believe it? I gave birth a to a beautiful baby boy. he was two years old when he died of Leukemia. In my eyes he was a healthy little toddler. So full of life. I was devastated when I found out he had it. Shocked that my child out off all of them had to die. Any ways, back to my original thought, my tattoo. It will always be a reminder of what could've been. How he could've been something and done something in this world. It just breaks my heart to know that it will never happen. But he's in a better place now. He's watching over me smiling with his cute little grin and blue as sky eyes waiting for us to be reunited again. After Jonah's death my parents packed up and we all moved to this town called Degrassi. Here at degrassi people refer to me as 'Saint Clare' or 'Virgin Mary' some pathetic name. That's because it's a front. I fear that if I let them know the real me I won't be excepted or worse the immature verbal slashes will continue. The only people who know about my tattoo, the drinking, and the cutting is my friend Alli. I don't tell my parents anything because I know they would think that I was crazy. And trust me they don't need ANOTHER burden in life. I've made a couple of friends here at degrassi. But not many. I have about four. Alli, Dave, Connor, Wesley, and Kc. Wait… scratch that Kc is not my friend anymore. He was the only one to know the real me besides Alli. He just stayed with me till something better came along. And that…hurts. Being used as something to fill a void. I guess Jenna was a better pick than me any way. She was Blonde, skinny, a cheer leader, not to mention she had no fucking baggage. Excuse my French. This year I was going into 10th grade a sophomore at Degrassi Community School. Oh Joy! This is the time where I really needed Jonah the most. He was my life. My creation. He was…me. My facebook profile is even a picture of me and him on his 2nd birthday before..he was diagnosed. My whole life I've either been an outsider or someone people look over and don't notice. And I'm okay with being in the background because I'm not a person who is like 'Look at me'. I've only had three boyfriends in my life. Josh, Jake, and Kyle. Kyle was Jonah's father. He was tall and skinny. He had longish bleach blonde hair and big brown eyes. He dressed in black skinny jeans and T-shirts most of the time. When Jonah was born he was 110% supportive. He said that even though we were young we were a Fuckin god damn good family. Kyle was a really good father. When Jonah had died everything went down hill. Kyle and me grew apart. And when I broke the news that I had to move that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him I was moving 6 hours away and that I would always love him. that night was when we professed that love. We mad love for the last time that night. I told hime I would always love him and that he was my first. I kissed him one more time and left. Me and Kyle still talk to each other to this day. We always chat on I. M. or on facebook. Ending every message with 'I love you' before logging out. When he found out how Kc dumped me after he saw Jenna he said that he was gonna kill him for hurting me. I told him not to and he listened. That's one thing I loved about him was that he was a great listener. Over the summer my style has changed. I'm wearing darker colors now. Mostly blacks, purples, and reds. I went to bed that night thinking about Jonah, Kc, Kyle, and degrassi. This year was going to be my year and I was sure of it. I was determined to find someone who understood me and loved me for who I am. Someone who I can relate to, who wont judge me about Jonah, my tattoo, the cutting, or the drinking. Someone who understands. So that night I wished on a star that I will find my knight and shinning armor to whisk me away. Someone to make me feel like I'm not alone, facing my troubles alone.

The next morning I woke up not excited to go to school but my parents wouldn't let me stay and wallow in self pity. They said they wouldn't let me because they 'Care'. I walked over to my closet and picked out my clothes. I chose a long sleeved plum thermal, black skinny jeans, and my purple vans. This was the most colorful I've been in a long time. When I was done I combed my short auburn locks and put a red bow in. I added a smoky eye as my eye shadow and a nude lip gloss Alli had gotten me. It tasted like vanilla. My favorite. I hopped down my stairs and grabbed a green apple not even bothering to ell my parents I was leaving and went out the door. I took my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrate in my back pocket. It was a text from Alli. We usually walk to school together.

_Hey Sav gave me a ride this morning. Sorry :/_

_Alli_.

I replied with a simple okay and kept on walking. When I got to school I made my way to the front steps. Resse was sitting on the steps with some of his friends. He whistled at me.

"Hey cutie." He said smiling. I hesitated before answering.

"Ummm…hey Reese." I said confused. Turns out Reese has had a thing for me since I was a freshman.

"Your looking good. The summer did you well." He replied winking at me.

"Thanks?" I said confused.

"What class do you have first period?" he asked. He knew I was smart so he was probably wishing it was his class.

"Ummm…Advanced English with Miss Dawes." I said.

"Oh. You're too smart. I'm only in her regular English class."

"cool" suddenly someone put their arm around my shoulders. I think he saw that I was uncomfortable talking with Reese so I guess he stepped in to do some 'protecting'.

"Is he bothering you Clare?" Kc snarled. I didn't answer so I guess he took it as a yes. He then guided us in side of the school. When we got inside I quickly peeled his arm off my shoulder.

"What was that for?" I asked annoyed.

"I thought you needed some saving." He replied smug.

"Well you thought wrong. I didn't need you help. I was doing fine." I said harshly before walking down the hall to first period. What was with Kc today? He was acting like he cared? That's something different. Thought as I entered the room.

**What do you think? I put a lot of emotion in the first part of that. Review please.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Him

**Authors note: Clare will be a little out of character.**

Clare's point of view:

Seriously why did KC care if I was talking to Reese? Last time I checked he was sucking face with a bleach blond tramp. Jenna Middleton. She is a conniving, back stabbing, selfish bitch and I hate her. And I don't hate ANYBODY. So she had to have done something really bad for her to get this type of resentment from me. What makes me mad is that even though KC and her are dating but he acts like he owns me or that he can 'protect' me. I don't get it. Like seriously he's my ex he shouldn't even acknowledge my existence because he's making out with Jenna all the time.

Over the summer I matured a lot. Physically of coarse. I got a haircut, laser eye surgery (goodbye contacts), I got a little tan, and I'm starting to shop at Hot Topic, Spencers, and Zumies more often. I even grew an inch so I'm now 5ft3. My cup size even improved. I went from a 34B to a 34C. Not to sound self centered but I think my new look might make me more popular with the guys. As I was walking down the hall from my encounter with Kc a few guys were staring at me in awe. My plan for this year is to rub it in KC's face that I'm better off with out him because I now realized I am. Like who needs to date a jock? Who's got two thumbs and doesn't want to date a jock? This girl! Now that I mention it I want more than the boy next door. I want a guy who has more depth to him. someone who knows. Knows what it feels like to have been chewed up and spit out. I really wish I had Jonah right now. He used to always brighten up my rainy days and bring out the sun.

I was walking to my locker when the person who I want to see less than anything comes up to me and blocks my way with her power squad minions. Jenna. What the fuck could she possibly want?

"Hey Jenna! Can I help you?" I said with one of my fake smiles. She just glared and crossed he arms over her chest.

"I saw that stunt you pulled in front of the school 5 minutes ago. I want you to stay away from KC." Was she this insecure? Wow.

"I didn't pull anything Jenna. And FYI I was just talking to Reese when your so called 'Boyfriend' comes over puts his arm around me and basically growls at Reese telling him not to talk to me."

"I don't believe you. Your just trying to steel KC back."

"Wow Jenna you are really insecure. I don't want KC back. Maybe he wants me back. But that's okay because you can have my sloppy seconds." I said smirking.

"Just stay away from him or else." Was she trying to sound threatening.

"Or else what you and your bitch sidekicks will just cheer me to death?"

"Just stay away from KC got it? Plus he wouldn't want to be with someone like you." What she just said crossed the line because she knew my past.

"Someone like me?" Jenna just nodded.

"Go fuck yourself you stupid self centered cunt." I haven't used that much venom in my voice since Jordan Lowes was flirting with Kyle right in front of my face. And it felt good. I then spun on my heel and started my way down the hall when she yanked my hair. NOBODY touches my hair. I then turned around and punched the fat ass bitch on her left cheek. She yelped but then had the nerve to slap me across the face I got really mad so I punched her twice more. Once in the stomach and again on her left cheek. By now there was a crown around us I swung one last time and hit her in the eye. I then bent down to her level and whispered, "Oh Jenna! Did I forget to mention that I took boxing over the summer. She just glared at me with hatred and pain in her eyes. But she deserved it.

"Next time I won't go so easy on you bitch." I said before standing up. I turned and tried to get through the crowd which wasn't really working. I was finally free so I headed to my locker which was number 207. Yet again people got in my way and were stopping me. This time it was a boy and a girl. The guy was about 6 feet tall. He had brown spiked hair and deep blue eyes. He was fairly attractive. The girl just kinda looked like a slut. She was tan with really frizzy and curly hair. She was wearing low hip hugger jeans and a juicy couture shirt with bright pink lip gloss.

"You fight good. What's your name cutie?" the boy asked.

"Clare and you two are?" I asked slightly annoyed.

"The name's Bianca and this is Fitz" the sluttish looking girl spoke up.

"Is there a legidament reason we are speaking?" I asked.

"I don't know what legidament means but me and Bianca think that you can fight and that you would fit in good with us" Was he serious?

"Sorry but I don't like kicking people's asses just for kicks." I only hurt people if they wronged me or offended me in any way.

"that's not what the fight looked like" Bianca stated.

"She asked for it. If she cant handle what I dish out she shouldn't order it. And I got to get to class so can you two please move."

"Fair enough. Just think about it." Fitz said before he walked away with the slut behind him. Once I was at my locker I took out my English stuff and headed towards the classroom. I was about halfway down the hallway when someone bumped into me and our things spilled everywhere. He picked up mine and handed it to me. That's when I saw him.

**Sorry for the long ass wait. I just couldn't think of anything. So what do you think? Review and let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: His eyes

Clare's point of view:

I looked up and that's when I saw him. This beautiful stranger with the most amazing eyes. His eyes were emerald with little specs of dark forest green and little specs of gold. My eyes could not compare to his. It was like with one glance he could see straight into my soul. Like he could see the real me. I then realized that I was gawking at this handsome stranger instead of talking to him. He probably thinks I'm some sort of retard.

"Sorry I didn't see you there plus I'm not having the best morning" I said.

"It's okay. And nice right hook. You stuck it to that blonde bimbo good." That made me blush that he saw the fight.

"Oh you saw that?"

"Yeah pretty much the whole school saw it. Why were you two fighting anyway?" he asked.

"It was about a boy. my ex her boyfrie- wait why am I telling this to a total stranger? What's your name?"

"My name is Eli Goldsworthy and you are?"

"My name is Clare."

"What no last name?" The boy clad in black asked.

"Oh I have a last name. It's just for me to know and you to find out." I said flirting slightly.

"Well I'll make sure to do that. But why were you in a fight?"

"It was over a boy. her boyfriend and my ex. She was thinking that I was trying to steel him back which is NOT true so I told her off. She got mad and pulled my hair. I then punched her in the face. Then she had the nerve to slap me in the face and that's where I started to beat her ass." I explained to Eli.

"Well just so you know that guy you were fighting over is a douche for choosing her over someone as pretty as you." I then felt that same sensation of heat rushing up to my cheeks.

"Thanks and that was really….cheesy." I smiled.

"Well I try." He said smirking a to die for smirk, that I found incredibly hot. The bell rang signaling that we had 10 minutes before the announcements came on at 8:30.

"Well I gotta go. Bye Clare" he said.

"Bye stranger" I replied before he walked away. Looking at him walking away I really took in his appearance. He wore mostly all black. He was wearing black skinny jeans, a gray shirt, a black blazer, and black Vans. And boy did he look good. I stopped watching him, and realized I still had 9 minutes till I was supposed to be in Media Immersions. I started walking to the bathroom. Once I got in I grabbed a stall and locked it. I set my backpack down and searched for my razor blade. Once I found it I rolled up my left sleeve and ran it against an already healed scar. The way I cut is that I cut in the same spot as to not leave clues that I do it. When I cut in the stall today it was for many reasons mostly Jenna. And for Jenna's words.

'Somebody like you' those words that Jenna said were still ringing in my ears and haunting me. I just watched at the blood tricked down my left forearm and into the toilet. I cut for many reasons. One being is control. I can control how much pain I'm in, how much I bleed, and how deep I cut. As crazy as it sounds I cut because I believe that I can bleed out the emotional pain and drown out the emotional pain if I put myself in physical pain. And as hard it is to believe, for me…it actually works. I took out some tissues and stopped the bleeding then I flushed them, pulled my sleeve down. I walked out of the stall and out of the bathroom and into the hall. I felt slightly relieved. Cutting and drinking were my escape from this shitty world full of greedy bastards. I made it inside the class room about 1 minute before the bell rang. Class seemed to go by fast today seeing as it is the first day and all. All Miss Oh did was explain the rules and requirements for the year. Once the bell rang I was up and walking out the door. The reason I was out of there was because of KC. Today he was acting all weird like he was staring at me the whole class period. Just as I was going to my locker a hand grabbed my left arm and spun me around. I hissed in pain. When I looked up I saw KC. Great just what I needed. Some more confrontation.

"What KC?" I snapped at him. he looked taken back but quickly composed himself.

"What did you do?" he asked angrily.

"What do you mean?"

"What did you do to Jenna? She came up to me sobbing saying that you did something to her. Now what did you do?" Shit he won't believe a word I say. He'll probably only believe the sob story Jenna told him.

"What are you talking about KC I did nothing to your precious air head girlfriend!" I lied. I know lying is a sin that good Christian girls shouldn't do. But guess what? I stopped being a good Christian girl when I lost my virginity. KC was now looking at me with angry eyes and his grip tightened. I whimpered in pain.

"You're lying Clare now what did you do?" he asked angrily and frustrated. And we just had to be in an abandoned hallway. Luck really is on my side today.

"Fine you really wanna know?" I screamed in his face. He then backed me up into a locker and was looming over me. He nodded his head and his grip tightened again. I nearly almost let a sob choke out because of the pain.

"Fine! Your little Stupid whore of a girlfriend came up to me and was picking a fight with me so I told her off. She got mad and pulled my hair. That made me mad so I punched her. She then slapped me in the face and so I punched her more. Long story short she got what she deserved!" I screamed in his face. His face contorted into something I haven't even seen before. His brown eyes got this deranged look in them and it was…scary. He then backed me more up against the locker and tried to kiss me! What was this psycho's deal. He then got his lips on mine and started to kiss me. I pulled away and slapped him in the face. That made him angry.

"You fucking bitch!" he roared. He rose his hand and just as it was about to make contact with my face he was thrown off of me.

"Hey Douche bag don't you dare touch her!" when KC was pulled off of me I griped my left forearm and slid down so that I was sitting on the ground, watching the scene unfold around me. I looked up and saw Eli pinning KC to a wall across the hall. Wow Eli is pretty strong.

"Don't tell me what to do with my ex girlfriend!" KC shouted trying to wiggle free.

"Yeah KEY WORD: ex. And didn't your mother raise right by telling you not to lay your hands on a woman?" Oh Eli probably didn't know this but you don't talk about KC's druggie of a mom. This made KC even more pissed. KC then punched then punched Eli an the mouth to get him off. Eli then Punched KC in the nose I think I heard a crack.

"You're screwed up man!" KC screamed.

"yeah but not as screwed up as you to where I would hit a girl" Eli yelled back.

"Whatever Emo-boy" KC said before running down the hall. Eli then turned around and started jogging towards me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine but are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"Yep. So that was the boy you got in a fight over."

"Sadly yes." I said looking down.

"What class do you have that we're ten minutes late for?" Eli asked smirking.

"11th grade Advanced English with Mrs. Dawes."

"Me too" Eli responded.

"Well then lets go." I said standing up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again.

"Yes I'm fine Eli now lets go." I said basically dragging him down the hall. I had to admit that even with a huge pinkish bruise from where he had got hit Eli still looked very handsome.

**What do you think of this chapter? Any ideas for the next chapter that you wanna see? Review and let me know.**


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